Don't Call It A Comeback

If a girl gives up on a blog, then watches ten episodes of Oprah in two days in an attempt to catch up, and then decides to start writing again, and she's in a forest or something, does anyone read her?

Only one way to find out.

I guess the real question I should be asking myself is, "What is the thing that I can do to let my courage become an expression of my integrity?"

Kidding. Because I don't know what that means. But some life coach or something did, and she said it to Gayle while trying to get her over her fear of heights. And they showed the clip during one of the ten episodes of the show I watched on Tuesday and Wednesday. Seven on Tuesday, three on Wednesday. And just like that, I'm all caught up. Except that another episode airs in about an hour. God damn it. Will this ever end?

Oh, right. It will. In fifteen episodes, on May 25.

There is no way I can go through and tell you everything about every episode I watched. That was a whole hell of a lot of Oprah to digest in such a short period of time. But it had to be done. I realized that I'm not a quitter, and even though I still have zero time for everything, I have to see this through. It didn't make sense to watch more than 100 episodes of the final season, and then quit with 25 to go.

So here we are. And here's what I watched this week:

• The Hollywood Shocker: From Multi-Millionaire to Mobile Home
• 25 Years of Oprah and Gayle's All-Time Best Adventures
• Chris Rock - The Oprah Show Farewell
• Oprah's Producers Uncensored, Plus Most Memorable Audience Moments
• Hollywood Legend Michael Douglas Plus Nike's Phil Knight
• Turn Back the Clock: Look and Feel 20 Years Younger
• Rob Lowe Opens Up: The Brat Pack, Love, Sex, Scandal, Sobriety
• The Royal Wedding
• President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama
• Back from Betrayal: Shania Twain's First TV Interview
• Oprah Honors American Heroes - The Freedom Riders Reunite

In order, here are my thoughts on each, brief though they may be:

• Boring. Dude still makes a ton of money, and the "trailer" he claims to live in is way bigger and nicer than the apartment in which I currently live. I'm glad he's attempting to give away a lot of his money. I don't know. I guess the guy was nice enough, and he did call Oprah a "drug pusher," because she makes everyone feel good. So that was funny.
• Hilarious. The clips from them in "colonial America" were pretty good. Supposedly this was Gayle's last appearance on the show, and the first time she had ever walked on (instead of already being on stage when the segment started). But I find it hard to believe that she wouldn't come back for the final episode. I'm getting more and more curious as to what we're going to see on May 25.
• All I can remember from this is that watching old clips of Chris Rock on Oprah make it obvious that he's had his teeth fixed at some point in the last fifteen years.
• While I understand it, sometimes it feels a little weird that most of these remaining episodes are essentially clip shows. I guess that's what you have to do when you're winding down, but sometimes it get a little repetitive. Which is why, even after reading the recap, I couldn't think of anything interesting to say about this episode.
• Michael Douglas was boring. And during the Phil Knight segment, all I could feel was jealousy, since I only own three pairs of shoes, none of which are less than a year old. I'm not joking. I really wanted a pair of those Nike Lunarglide IIs that Knight gave Oprah, even though I really think "Lunarglide II" is best reserved for the name of a tampon.
• Eat better, take care of your skin, exercise, and get sleep. So easy, right?
• Rob Lowe is funny, and it seems like his book might actually be interesting. He's probably an okay guy. Not an entirely boring episode.
• I can't believe how excruciating this episode was. I didn't care about the royal wedding in the first place, and an entire episode about it was mind numbing.
• It was weird to watch the Obamas on the show, knowing it had taped the week before Osama was killed, and had aired the day after the announcement of his death. But you know what? Our president and his wife are really likable. Maybe some of you could cut them a break now and then, huh?
• Shania Twain is Canadian. There's a chance I had never actually heard her speaking voice until watching this episode, because I could not get over how Canadian she sounded. That accent drives me bonkers. Also, it's weird that she married the ex-husband of her ex-husband's new wife. Wife swap!
• Yes, I cried. Oprah did, too, when she introduced the 100-something members of the audience who had been part of the infamous "Freedom Rides" in the 1960s. I had only the most rudimentary knowledge of what these people did, and this show had me enthralled. How many of you think you would have had the courage to do what these people did? Oprah says she knows she wouldn't have been able to do it. I'd like to think I would have been brave enough, but it's so hard to say. You should tune in to PBS on May 16 to watch the American Experience episode devoted to this issue. I'm going to do my best to watch.

Only fifteen to go. I can do this.