12/29/10 -- Oprah Unplugged and Uncensored

Did you say you were interested in watching an hour-long commercial for one of the shows on Oprah's new network? Well, settle in, because that's what you got on Wednesday.

The audience for the episode was made up of staff members for the show, and Oprah spent the hour talking to several of them, then showing clips of behind-the-scenes moments that will air on a show called Season 25 (clever name, no?) on OWN.

Let me just say here that my cable provider will have OWN, since it currently has Discovery Health, and OWN is just replacing that. So I technically could watch Oprah's brainchild if I were so inclined. But, this coming Wednesday, I'm getting rid of cable and going to an over-the-air antenna paired with a TiVo. I don't watch much on cable anyway (save for Hoarders, and maybe a few others here and there), and the price of cable just suddenly doesn't seem worth it anymore. I could probably do without the TiVo, too, at $19.99 per month, but I need to watch Oprah, and I can't guarantee I'll always be prepared to do so at 4 pm every day.

You think I could get Oprah to reimburse me for this cost?

Anyway, the premise of this episode was to see what it's like to work for Oprah. And I know that was the premise because Oprah asked her staff the number one question they get from people they meet, and they all said, in unison and totally not planned in advance, "What's it like to work for Oprah?"

Oprah has 464 people on her staff. That's coconuts. Only a few senior producers got the opportunity to talk, though. And even though this seemed like it should be interesting and sort of funny, for the most part the episode was pretty boring. Katie fell asleep at some point, after looking up at the screen and saying, "There are 27 minutes left?!?" Somehow, Oprah "uncensored" managed to just drag on and on.

12/28/10 -- Finally New Again

I don't even know if I remember how to do this, but let's give it a shot.

Tuesday's episode was brought to you by Discovery Communications, which has a huge stake in Oprah's new network. It owns the Discovery Channel and TLC as well, just in case you were wondering why, exactly, this hodgepodge of shows was featured on Oprah.

This episode was taped far in advance, given that Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs mentioned speaking in front of Congress "three weeks ago." I remembered hearing about that, so I did a little sleuthing, and it turns out the testimony in question happened in late September. You have to assume Oprah is off getting shot into space or talking to a realtor about the purchase price of North America during her holiday vacation, so you know she isn't taping anything new.

So, I hope you like reality television, because that's what you got in this episode. They kicked it off with an  awesome show, Cash Cab, and its host, Ben Bailey. They gave us a breakdown on the concept of the show, which is pretty simple: Bailey is a licensed cab driver and a comedian, and he drives around picking up unsuspecting passengers who are then invited to play a trivia game. They get money for correct answers, but if they get three incorrect answers, they're out of the game and out of the cab.

Oprah, of course, is super against distracted driving, so she questioned Bailey on how he can remain safe while he's so distracted. Bailey insisted that he drives slowly, and that there's always a van behind him.

Repeats

My sister called me the other day, and the first thing she said was, "I don't know how you watch this every day."

I didn't ask to what show she was referring. I simply asked, "Which episode are you watching?"

"Ultimate Favorites 2. God, the screaming."

It was at this point that my mother chimed in to say that if someone gave her an iPad, she'd probably do a little screaming, too.

Cut to my parents' anniversary yesterday, when my dad woke my mom up to give her an iPad. I had heard about this gift the previous evening, and had requested that my father ask my mother to respond like a member of an Oprah audience. I'm told she fulfilled that request.

Obviously, I'm not watching Oprah every day right now anyway. My DVR tricked me in to thinking this week would be new episodes, but not surprisingly, that wasn't true. Right now it's telling me there are five new episodes next week, too, but I don't believe it.

In case you're wondering, yes, I have started watching the 20th Anniversary DVD set. So far, I've gotten through part one on disc one, called "The Beginning." 25 minutes of the history of Oprah. I have decided that in conjunction with watching the new episodes, I will watch every bit of the six discs in this box set. I won't write about every part of it, but I certainly intend to keep you updated. Soon there will be a post that I will link to in the sidebar, with a report of my progress.

I recently secured a full-time job, which will make this task all the more difficult, but I believe in myself. But perhaps that's just the sugar in my recent bowl of Lucky Charms talking, or maybe it's the holiday spirit.

Everybody have a happy holiday season. And don't worry. I did get you a present: you'll hear from me again before the end of the year.

She's Waiting

So, I guess Dustin is officially MIA for now. I'm sure he'll be saddened to learn that he was called out, and just left me looking like a weirdo on the internet.

I'm busy with work at the moment, but when I walked into the living room today, I realized that I can never truly escape Oprah.

Or at least that I can't escape Katie.

Not sure what you're looking at there?  Let's go in for the close-up.

Katie admitted this morning that she's fallen in love with Oprah, and she can't wait to watch this 20th Anniversary nonsense. I don't think I'll make it through this weekend without being forced to officially open this packaging and pop in the first disc.

And next week, we're getting some new shows. No idea what they will be yet, but they'll be new. Or at least that's what my DVR tells me.

In other words, you have plenty of reasons to keep coming back. So make sure you do.

Paging Dustin

I've already told you that Oprah and her "ultimate guests" audience have arrived in Australia. From what I can gather about her journey to the other side of the world, it's going very well so far. Just look at this picture of Oprah, Gayle and some guests, after being a part of the largest group ever (presumably not all pictured) to climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge (photo from Huffington Post):

Now, we can all wait for the episodes to air before we learn any more information about this trip. Or, we can use our very own in-house source, Dustin. I haven't heard from him in a while, but Dustin is my Australian reader. I may have more than just one, but he's the only one who's made himself known, so I'm staying loyal to him in my quest for information about what's going on Down Under. So, Dustin, if you're still reading, talk to us. What's the mood down there? Is it all Oprah, all the time? Or do people not really care as much as the Oprah team and one Australian correspondent would have had us believe?

We've got a week of repeats here, and I am sort of refusing to begin watching that 20th Anniversary Collection DVD, so I need your help, Dustin. Give me some content here. Don't leave me hanging.

Oprah: The Next Chapter

You can all thank my friend Jackie for this one. Last week, she requested (in a Facebook status, no less) that I watch Barbara Walters interview Oprah, then write about it on the blog. I gave in, mostly because I had to appreciate her willingness to use her own status to beg me.

There is no truth to the rumor that I was secretly looking for an excuse to watch this special.

Did anyone else watch this? My biggest complaint is that Oprah looked terrible. Something was going on with the lighting on her, because Walters looked perfectly normal (I mean, as normal as she can look after all that surgery), but Oprah just looked awful. Too much light on her face, and the HD only highlighted the fact that there may not actually be any hair in her eyebrows, and that she has skin issues just like the rest of us. Katie kept finding things to pop on Oprah's chin, and I just don't think that's the way any woman wants to appear on camera.

The special started off with Oprah singing the chorus of "The Gambler" (which you'll recall she did in part two of the Yosemite adventure), I guess in regard to knowing when to walk away from her show. Apparently she joked about the idea of creating her own network fifteen years ago, and Stedman took her seriously and thought she should do it. It took some time, but she wanted to create "mindful television," and she finally hooked up with the Discovery Channel to get the OWN network going. She was "very scared" during the process of setting up the network, and sometimes woke up and night "clutching her chest." But since she mentioned that all in the past tense, I suppose the fear is gone. Of course, that doesn't make sense, since there's no indication that the network will succeed, so I'd still be pretty terrified. But I guess she doesn't really have a whole lot to lose, so what do I know?

Dr. William Petit

If you want to know what happened to Dr. Petit and his family, Google it. I can't bear to write about it. I barely made it through the episode, as I fought back full sobs and Katie couldn't refrain from crying for virtually the entire show. It was excruciating. There is nothing more I can say about it, and I really wish I hadn't felt obligated to sit through the whole thing.

Be nice to each other.

12/6/10 -- Michelle Rhee, Michael Jackson, Jonathan Franzen

With this, I will be officially caught up, and I intend to avoid getting behind again, because this has been annoying. Tomorrow's episode is new, Friday's is not, and then it appears we will have all new episodes next week. I'm sure we'll get all repeaty again the following week, since it ends with Christmas, but no matter.

So, let me take you back to Monday's episode. Oprah appeared on screen, and Katie immediately said, "What are you wearing? The insides of a fish?" Not a bad guess if you ask me.

I swear pausing it in a way that makes Oprah actually look like a fish was a total accident. A happy accident, but an accident nonetheless.

11/29/10 -- Keith Urban & Nicole Kidman

Finally, I get to this episode. Yes, I realize it aired a week ago. I'm sorry, but catching up on the episodes around Thanksgiving was much more difficult than it needed to be. And yes, I did watch the episode that aired today, all about Michael Jackson, but you'll have to wait until tomorrow for that post.

Last Monday's episode began with Oprah refreshing our memories about the Australia giveaway. After we saw that footage, Oprah acknowledged that her method of telling! people! they're! going! to! Australia! made her a parody of herself. It's sort of funny when she recognizes those things.

So, staying with the Aussie connection, it was time for Keith Urban. Who I am convinced is actually a woman. Seriously, what is with that haircut? I'm starting to believe that he keeps a constant five o'clock shadow in an effort to not be called "ma'am" when he goes through security at the airport. This is, I guess, a metrosexual look, but it's sort of bordering on the "homo" end of that spectrum.

Once upon a time, Keith Urban had a substance abuse problem. When Oprah asked what "substance" was the problem, Urban's answer was, "alcohol and cocaine." Katie's answer, which proved that I wasn't the only one thinking that Urban is just waiting to come out of the closet: "Sex with men."

"But Erin," you'll say. "He's married to Nicole Kidman!" Right. And it's never been suggested that she was a beard for a popular entertainer who is attempting to hide his sexuality.

11/26/10 -- Thank You Day Follow-Ups

Once upon a time, Oprah decided people aren't grateful enough, so she created a "National Thank You Day." Based on this episode, this established holiday falls either in September or November, on any random day in those months. Not like, say, the fourth Thursday in November. That would be too weird.

Oprah stayed in the control room for this episode, again, just so she could introduce the old packages and the updates on where people are now. So you're just getting a recap, because I still have to watch the Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban episode, before we get back to the new episodes tomorrow.

Oh! Wait a second. I just went to the Oprah website to check my spelling on a name, and it turns out that three of next week's episodes (the ones airing Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, randomly) are repeats. Thank goodness for the holiday season.

Shortly after 9/11, a 12-year old girl named Alex wrote a letter to firefighters working on the rescue operation at the Pentagon. Miller, a firefighter from Tennessee, happened to read Alex's letter, and she became his hero. They met on November 19, 2001. The update was that they met again this year, at the Pentagon Memorial. Alex is now a senior in college. She and Miller are linked forever.

In 1994, Oprah showed the nation her audition tape, and surprised Dennis Swanson, the man who took a chance on her, to thank him. He was the president of ABC Sports at the time, and now he's the president of station operations for Fox. And if it weren't for him, there would be no Oprah. Send your fan letters or hate mail, as you see fit, to Fox Television.

11/25/10 -- Remembering JFK, Jr.

So, November 25, 2010, would have been JFK, Jr.'s 50th birthday. Which means that, since Oprah is obviously not taping a real show any time around Thanksgiving, the audience was treated to a clip show. And, let me tell you, that is a blast to recap. Which is why I'm not really going to do much here.

The show opened with Oprah in the control room, talking about JFK, Jr., and the interview they did together way back in 1996, to kick off Oprah's eleventh season. And then we got to watch pretty much all of that interview, interrupted a few times so that Oprah could repeat what the past her had already said in the 1996 interview, or talk about how nervous she was and tell us that, as a result of those nerves, she hated herself in this interview. She was not wrong in this impression of herself. She really was annoying. You could hear in her voice how nervous she was, and she was even more interrupty than normal. Her interviewee didn't really seem to say a whole lot, which is odd, considering everyone (or at least those obsessed with "Camelot") cared about what the dude had to say.

Seriously, there wasn't any information in this episode. JFK, Jr. doesn't remember much about his father, his mother didn't grant a single interview to the press, and it was pretty tragic when he died. He seemed like a nice enough guy, even though he was clearly uncomfortable being in the spotlight in that way.

Oh, and Oprah was wearing a sleeveless top, which is a terrible idea for someone with her arms. She was in a skinny phase at that point, except for those arms. The idea to go sleeveless becomes even worse when the wearer keeps raising and/or waving her arms. Accentuate the positive, Opes. Don't wave all that negative in our faces.


Next: Another clip show. Apparently Oprah invented the "National Thank You Day." Because she'd never heard of a little thing called "Thanksgiving," I guess. Anyway, the episode was full of "updates" on previous shows. So, just another clip show. Yay!

11/24/10 -- Garth Brooks

Remember when I told you about how I love The Judds, but I have to accept the fact that they're super corny? That's sort of how I feel about Garth Brooks. I will sing along to most any Garth song, and I love many of them, but I've always found his super enthusiasm and earnestness to be a little bit forced and a bit over the top. When I've seen footage of him in concert, it's always just a little much to me. And every time I've seen him in a place where people are applauding him, his shocked reaction just doesn't sit right with me. I mean, the dude has been doing this for how long? Am I really supposed to believe that he doesn't think that there will be adoring crowds anywhere he goes?

Perhaps I'm just being cynical. I guess there's a chance that someone can remain that grateful and excited about his life every day for two decades. It's unlikely, but I suppose it's possible. So maybe in the spirit of the season, I'll give Garth the benefit of the doubt here.

What I will not give him is my acceptance of his wearing a ball cap to appear on Oprah. And not just any ball cap. No, Mr. Brooks chose to wear a cap with his logo on it, with the words "Wynn Las Vegas" written underneath. So not only is he on a nationally televised talk show to promote his show in Vegas, he also has to wear a hat, just to make sure he covers all the bases. Look, I get it, Garth. You don't have much hair left. But you don't look bad without the hat. Couldn't you, at the very least, put on a cowboy hat? You used to wear one all the time. Better yet, maybe you should just accept your baldness and handle it gracefully. I feel like I have room to speak on this, since I've been going bald since I was eighteen. And yes, I wear a hat or scarf daily. But it's a lot easier for a man to rock the bald look than it is for a chick. So own it, Garth. I'd have a lot more respect for you if you did.