12/28/10 -- Finally New Again

I don't even know if I remember how to do this, but let's give it a shot.

Tuesday's episode was brought to you by Discovery Communications, which has a huge stake in Oprah's new network. It owns the Discovery Channel and TLC as well, just in case you were wondering why, exactly, this hodgepodge of shows was featured on Oprah.

This episode was taped far in advance, given that Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs mentioned speaking in front of Congress "three weeks ago." I remembered hearing about that, so I did a little sleuthing, and it turns out the testimony in question happened in late September. You have to assume Oprah is off getting shot into space or talking to a realtor about the purchase price of North America during her holiday vacation, so you know she isn't taping anything new.

So, I hope you like reality television, because that's what you got in this episode. They kicked it off with an  awesome show, Cash Cab, and its host, Ben Bailey. They gave us a breakdown on the concept of the show, which is pretty simple: Bailey is a licensed cab driver and a comedian, and he drives around picking up unsuspecting passengers who are then invited to play a trivia game. They get money for correct answers, but if they get three incorrect answers, they're out of the game and out of the cab.

Oprah, of course, is super against distracted driving, so she questioned Bailey on how he can remain safe while he's so distracted. Bailey insisted that he drives slowly, and that there's always a van behind him.



Cash Cab did an Oprah version, in which passengers answered only Oprah-related trivia, and were then given tickets to the taping. I missed the "What was the first book club selection?" question, and then, "What is Oprah's favorite color?" But other than that, I'm proud (or ashamed; not sure which) to tell you that I got them all correct.

Oh, the answers are "Deep End of the Ocean" and green, respectively.

Two pairs of ladies were featured prominently, because they were the two who got the most money in the game. $850 per pair, to be exact. Karen and Laura, who I will refer to as "super lesbians" because they have ridiculous haircuts, look like men, and are incredibly overweight, and Susan and Kelly were invited up on stage to do a "bonus video round" to double their money. The video showed a "current talk show host and actress" speaking as an audience member on Oprah in 1990. It was Sherri Shepherd, talking about how men drive women to "snoop" because they're untrustworthy. The pairs (who worked together as a team of four) got the correct answer, and doubled their money to $1700.

But this is Oprah. So she just went ahead and gave each pair $25,000. Which prompted Katie to say, "I would gladly be the lesbians in the cab answering questions about Oprah for $25,000. We're so much cuter."

There's a show on TLC called Quints by Surprise. So boring. Not worth writing about, not worth watching.

Then Mike Rowe, the host of Dirty Jobs, came out to talk abut his show and his work. The guy spends a lot of time in poop. That's about all you need to know.

Denise Wiggins, a middle school custodian, was in the audience. She's sort of a counselor to the kids, she takes pride in her work, and she even spends her own money on school supplies to give to the largely lower income population of the school. In her spare time, she cleans homes for the elderly. So, you know, she's a saint. Oprah gave her a $25,000 Meijer store credit, so she won't have to spend her own money on the kids anymore. And before I could even finish saying, "Can't Oprah give her $25,000 of her own?" Oprah (and Meijer) did just that. So, the store credit and cash. Not bad.

There was a weird segment about Captain Phil from Deadliest Catch (which I learned Mike Rowe narrates). He died after a stroke, and the new season of the show premieres this April.

A pair of sisters own a place called "Georgetown Cupcakes," and apparently this was awesome enough that they got their own show out of the deal, called DC Cupcakes. They came on Oprah to make something called "Strawberry Champagne Sparkler Cupcakes," which are perfect for New Year's Eve. Which means they knew all along when this show would air. Kudos, Oprah staff.

Oprah seemed like she had already been dipping into the champagne, she was so giddy over this recipe. She loved the ganache and the champagne, and she giggled her way through the segment, which was pretty funny.

And with that, our first new episode since December 9 was over. Thanks for easing me back into it, Opes.


Next: Oprah like you've never seen her before.  Katie: "Naked?"