Modern Families

So, Christine and Lisa are lesbians. They have two children, carried by Lisa, and fathered by Christine. How? Well, Christine used to be Chris, a macho Navy flight surgeon (I mean, as macho as men in the Navy can be; can you tell I was an Air Force brat?), but transitioned into a female about a decade ago. She had the foresight to freeze her sperm, which means she could be the biological parent of her children. And I'll just speak as a lesbian here and say that's pretty awesome. One of the worst things about being in a gay relationship is knowing that it's scientifically impossible to have a child that biologically belongs to both parties. You can get close, with family members donating sperm, but it's still not quite the same thing. Seems like Christine found a loophole. Good for her.

Let me just tell you something, guys: Oprah likes her a transgendered story. She was seriously giddy throughout the whole segment, which was a little weird, but I guess it's better than her being disgusted by it.

You might assume I have a lot to say on this particular subject, but I really don't. Christine and Lisa seem like good people. Christine is a doctor. They both seem like attentive, loving parents. What else do children need? Christine and Lisa found a way to make a family, and no one should begrudge them that joy. Of course, I'm sure plenty of people have and/or will give them shit for the path they've taken in life, but they seem well-adjusted enough to know better than to listen to bigots.

My only issue with Christine came when she talked about how "becoming a lesbian" was harder than becoming a woman. I don't love her terminology there, since I tend to believe that one is born gay or straight. And in Christine's case, she took a circuitous route to get here, but she was still born this way. She speaks about not fitting into the "lesbian culture," because she's more of a "girly girl." These are fairly offensive things to say. I know there are stereotypes out there of lesbians being super butch women. And Ellen DeGeneres certainly does nothing to dissuade people from that picture of what a lesbian looks like. And I've seen k.d. Lang in concert, and it scared me. So I get it. But I've also seen Ellen's wife. And I also realize I am not the girliest of girls, but I know I'm girlier than some straight women I know. And Katie is definitely girly. The point is, there are woman on all parts of the spectrum, whether they're gay or straight. So let's not stereotype from within, please. We get enough from the outside.

And Christine? Not having long fingernails is not really a butch/femme issue for lesbians. At least not most of the time. It's more of a...practical/pain management thing. If you catch my drift.



I would say this was maybe the most interesting segment Oprah has had so far this season, but I don't know if it went far enough. I need more details. I want to know some more about the nitty-gritty of how this whole thing happened, what Christine went through, all of that.

Basically, what I'm saying is, I need to see some pictures of the vagina. And based on Oprah's reaction to this story, I'd say I'm not the only one.

But I'm smart enough to know that doing a Google search for these sorts of pictures will only lead to me being scarred for life. So maybe Oprah knows what she's doing by not showing them.

The second half of the episode was devoted to the ABC sitcom Modern Family. It was cute. I love the show, so I like seeing the cast interviewed. Oprah seems to genuinely like the show, too, though talking about it brought out her penchant for using the term "LOL," and then telling everyone what it stands for, as if we don't already know. She's done that on a few other shows this season, but I think she said, "LOL" at least three times this episode. Do you think she just recently learned the term?

Oprah ended the segment with the Modern Family cast with a forced group hug. So awkward. But when Oprah tells you to hug, you hug.

Back in 1995, Oprah featured some parents who were adopting twins from India. She surprised them with the fact that the twins were backstage, instead of in India. This was the first time the parents had seen their children in person, so it was a pretty sweet moment. I may have teared up a bit. Oprah showed us pictures of the kids (now sixteen) today. I guess the point was that these white people adopting babies from India made them a "modern family," too.

Synergy!


Oh, and I Google searched some sexual reassignment surgery photos. Why? For the same reason I'm watching Oprah: So you don't have to. I'm not going into details, but I'll tell you that Katie was looking at the pictures with me, and requested that we hold hands during the process. So that should give you an idea of how this might affect you, should you be silly enough to go on your own search.