11/16 & 11/17 -- Barbra & Miracles

Today I did something I've never done before, and hope to never have to do again: I watched two episodes of Oprah, back-to-back. I don't recommend this, but I didn't have a choice. I'm on day ten or so of this illness, and after a few days of feeling like I was getting better, the thing has officially come back to, it seems, seek vengeance for some wrong I've committed.

So, I've been up the last two nights, coughing like crazy. All day today, I've suffered through a sore throat that is specific to one tiny location in my throat that seems to remain unaffected by even the largest quantities of Chloraseptic. My ear hurts. My glands are so swollen and tender to the touch. I am, in other words, not a well woman.

And so I skipped a day. But I can't allow this to continue, so I'm here, writing from bed at 8:30, Vicodin on board, prepared to crash the second I hit "publish post."

First up, Barbra Streisand. I hadn't been looking forward to this one, and when I started it, Katie asked me why I don't like Babs. I didn't have a specific reason, other than I've always gotten the impression that the woman is a bit of a pompous asshole. It didn't take much for Streisand to prove me correct, because once she came out on the set, she sat in the chair on stage left, and Oprah sat in the chair on stage right. Read that again, then ask yourselves how many times you've ever seen that happen. Oprah never sits anywhere but stage left, which means that Barbra must have something in her contract about only being shot from her left side. That means that even on Oprah's own show, Streisand is more powerful.

If you're a huge Barbra fan, I'm sure you just loved this episode. Streisand talked about only liking to sing when she's not in front of an audience, because she feels pressure when she's in front of the audience. So, Oprah made her sing "The Way We Were." I've never seen the movie, and the first time I heard the song was when the "adult" Tom Hanks sang it over the phone to his mother in Big. I preferred that version.



Oprah surprised Streisand by bringing out Robert Redford. The two have apparently never been interviewed together. I guess since I didn't take a single note during their joint interview, it wasn't that interesting, so maybe there was a reason they'd never done it before.

Streisand has a new book out, called "My Passion for Design." She's on the cover, with her ugly, ugly dog, Samantha. We were treated to a taped piece of a tour of Streisand's California home, completely with a mind-numbingly slow Streisand voiceover, backed by some canned music. Seriously, everything was in slow motion, and Streisand just yammered on about liking barns and ponds or something.

And that was all I wrote on Streisand. Oprah, you're bigger than her. Don't let anyone push you out of your chair again.

On to today's show, which featured a faith healer in Brazil known as "John of God." This guy claims to be able to heal people of all kinds of physical and mental ailments. He doesn't take money, and doesn't want credit for his work. Oprah sent her magazine editor-in-chief down there to figure it out, then talked to a medical doctor who'd gone down there a few years ago, as well as two people who had subjected themselves to some of the "treatments." And by "treatments," I mean nasal probes, eye scrapings (literally scraping someone's eye with a knife) and incisions, all done without anesthesia or painkiller. Or sterile tools, it would appear.

Oprah never seemed to completely buy into this, and even said it was all too "woo-woo" for her when her editor-in-chief, Susan, talked about feeling at peace when she meditated for three hours in the "healing room." A woman named Lisa had a nasal probe done, but she still has fourth stage cancer seven years later. A man named Ernie had a legitimate tumor (his actual medical doctor confirmed it) removed from his back with just a tiny incision and a little pulling. It was gross to watch, but apparently it did the trick.

Plenty of people seem to think they're getting some benefit from these treatments. I say more power to them. As far as I can tell, there haven't been reports of deaths or rampant infection, so if this guy gives people a little bit of hope, who cares? It's not like he's robbing grannies of their savings or anything. There's something to be said about the power of faith, so if this is a dying person's last chance, who am I to say they shouldn't bother?

Really, that's it. There wasn't a ton of information in this episode. Just a lot of talk about faith and skepticism. I'm sure if you went into the episode a skeptic, you probably remained so, and if you went in a believer, you solidified your faith. This wasn't exactly groundbreaking investigative journalism or anything. I would say I lean more to the skeptic side, and this show didn't change that viewpoint. But, again, people need to do what's necessary to get a little joy in their short times on this planet. If this "John of God" guy gives them even the tiniest glimmer of that, then I say live and let live.


Tomorrow: Carson Kressley makes over some couples