Oprah's Ultimate Favorite Things -- Day Two

The winter weather conditions here in the Portland area made it so that I had to join Oprah already in progress today. Only 90 seconds into the show, but it still meant that I missed exactly how she tricked the audience. The fake set was basically the same as on Friday, and when I joined the program, Oprah was picking up an ornament that had rolled from somewhere and landed near her. This is when people began to understand what was going on, and then Oprah officially told them it was day two of her "Ultimate Favorite Things." Cue the insanity.

Okay, I literally just spent the last 40 minutes distracted from this post because I couldn't pull myself away from a website I just learned about: STFU, Parents. And since I'm getting up super early in the morning to make my drive eastward for the holiday, I am now sorry to tell you that it is you, dear reader, who will suffer because you're just not going to get a really thorough post.

There are basics that you should know, like that Gayle flew in to be in the audience just so she could see how happy everyone was. Or that Stedman was in the control room (though we saw no proof of this), attending just his third taping of the show. Guess you have to marry a guy to get him to actually be supportive, huh, Opes?

Also, in this episode we still didn't learn much about who these people in the two audiences were. In the beginning, Oprah introduced them as "heroes, givers, ultimate viewers." Then there was mention of a group of cookie-baking friends who help charities, and a teacher who funds scholarships for students. But where the hell did these people come from? How did Oprah's staff find out about them? I'm so confused.

On to the gifts. If you feel like commenting, I have a game. Pretend this was The Price is Right, and this show and Friday's show were the two packages in the Showcase Showdown. You won the most in your game, so you get to decide whether to bid or pass. So when Drew Carey asks, what do you?



Without further ado, here's the list:

• iPad. Not sure which version, so I don't know the price. But it's a minimum of $499.
• Scrabble for the iPad, which Oprah loves even though we learned during the camping trip that she hates games -- $4.99
• Sparkle Ugg boots, which are possibly the most hideous things on the planet -- $175
• Coach Sophia satchel -- $398
• Magaschoni sweater and leggings -- $298 and $260, respectively.
• "Hope In A Jar" moisturizer, Oprah edition (complete with a childhood photo of the woman herself) -- ??
• Nordstrom lingerie gift card -- $500 x 2 (so you can go shopping with a friend).
• Herb-Savor by Prepara -- $29.95
• Centerville Chicken Pie from Harry & David -- $40
• Garrett popcorn tin (Oprah edition) with the "Chicago Mix" -- $135
• Custom Oprah Le Creuset set -- $599
• Miraclebody jeans -- $100
• Sophie jewelry box from Pottery Barn -- $179
• Jessica Leigh diamond earrings by Dana Rebecca Designs -- $1900
• Donors Choose gift cards, provided by Bing -- $100
• Mini croissants from Williams-Sonoma -- $39.95
• Favorite Things Assortment from Talbott Teas -- $150
• "The Book of Awakening" -- ??

Then Johnny Mathis sang a Christmas song I didn't recognize. Then Josh Groban came out singing "Silent Night." Then they sang "The Christmas Song" together.

• Johnny Mathis and Josh Groban albums -- ??

After driving out in a VW Beetle with Santa Claus, Oprah insisted to her audience that "VW said no" when she asked if she could give all of them Beetles. But you knew it was a trick from the beginning. Volkswagen is coming out with a new Beetle, which no one outside the company (and Oprah) gets to see until May 2011. And everyone in the audience will be getting one as soon as they're available. All we got to see was a silhouette of the car, and I have to say that based on that silhouette, I like this version of the Beetle a whole lot better than the current one. I'm actually kind of excited to see it. And as far as I'm concerned, it beats potentially having to eat Spam and Pop-Tarts (or not) while stranded at sea on a cruise .

Which is why I'll take Showcase #2, Drew. Also, I'd love an iPad.

Oprah talked to the audience at the end of the show about how these shows are not about the gifts, but are about the hope that something good can happen to people. Sure. But she made me laugh when she said to them, "You all are a Saturday Night Live sketch in here."

Indeed.

Tuesday: The Mom Who Married a Killer Behind Bars and Astonishing Weddings. That's exactly how it's written on the page for the show, so now I just want to understand how anyone can marry an astonishing wedding.