Down-low

Oprah opened this episode by announcing to the audience that six years ago she had a guest who was married to a woman, but was cheating on his wife with...another man! Oh, I hope you heard the gasps from the audience. And I hope you saw the eyes of the one woman they showed in close-up, hands covering her mouth. And Oprah was all, "I know!" And the audience was all, "Shut up!"

And somehow I'm supposed to think it's such a big deal that this dude was getting it on with other dudes. Who cares? The real issue should be that he was cheating, right? No? Am I the only one who thinks that? The cheating is the thing. The gender of the other party should not be the issue.

All right, so way back in April 2004, J.L. King (presumably no relation to Gayle) was on the show, talking about all the guys he was banging outside his marriage. Lots and lots of casual sex with men. But the guy refused to say he was gay. I guess he introduced Oprah (and the world?) to the concept of the "down-low," also known as being "on the DL," which involves a married man having sex with men. I've always known it to be a term in the black community (not that the phenomenon is exclusive to them), but according to today's guests, it applies to all. Fair enough.

So, Oprah introduced King's 2004 segment, then told us he would be back later. But first! Bridget was this awesome professional lady. Then she got married to this guy, John. On the way back from their honeymoon, he got sick and they didn't know what was wrong with him. A few months later, she got sick, too, and ended up being diagnosed with HIV. When Bridget found out, John got tested, and her doctor told her that she gave it to him. There's no explanation of this, but I have no idea how the doctor could just make that assumption.

Bridget had no idea how this happened, but she made the deal with her husband that they would handle it on their own and tell no one. Turns out he was telling his family and friends that she transmitted the disease to him anyway. So she told her brother, and the first thing he did was tell her to ask John how many men he'd slept with; seems like John wasn't on the down-low as much as he thought, I guess. Bridget asked, and John said he had been in relationships with two men. Soon thereafter, Bridget found explicit emails on the computer, written from John to various sexual partners.

Needless to say, these people aren't married anymore. Bridget sued John for $12.5 million, and won, but she hasn't seen a penny, and now she's living on public assistance. John = douche. To say the least.



Bridget showed a little fire when Oprah was talking about how HIV isn't a death sentence anymore because, "look at Magic Johnson." Ooh, Bridget did not like that. She got angry, eloquently, with Oprah for suggesting that everyone has the same access to treatment and care that Magic Johnson can get. Oprah admitted she was wrong, and agreed that most people unconnected to HIV have no idea what day-to-day life is like for people with the disease. It's good when Oprah is forced to realize that not everyone has her kind of money/life.

Now Bridget is pregnant with her boyfriend's baby. That guy took a big risk in having unprotected sex with this woman, but the good news is that there are measures to take to almost completely ensure that the baby will not acquire the disease.

Bridget wanted to speak publicly for the first time because she wants women to know about this issue. Not a bad idea.

Let's digress for just a minute here, shall we? Can anyone think of any reason we keep hearing about all these men who are having gay extramarital affairs? Could it be that it's not easy in this nation for a man to figure out he's gay, and then live his life openly and honestly? I'm not condoning what any of these men have done, but there has to be something to the fact that we don't exactly embrace and encourage those who might be struggling with gay issues. Perhaps if society could open up just a little, and let people be themselves, these guys wouldn't feel like the "normal" thing to do is get married to a woman and have children with her, all the while repressing who they truly are.

J.L. King came back, and this time he admitted he's gay. Roughly 25% of the audience applauded, mostly because this dude has admitted he's nothing but a whore, and anyone who's even slightly homophobic is convinced that all gay people are exactly like King. King's ex-wife came on the show as well, and talked about learning to forgive her former husband, but all I can think about is how her hair looks exactly like black and gray yarn. I'm suddenly itching to make an afghan.

Another guy, Ulandsey (huh?) was in the same boat in 2004, except he was even too afraid to let his face be seen, and he made Oprah alter his voice. He, too, was having tons of extramarital affairs, with both bros and hos. But, again, he was unwilling to accept the "gay" label.  So, big surprise that six years later he came back to the show to admit that he's gay. He said he's been accepted by his friends and family, but he was still worried about doing the show. Oprah couldn't understand what else he needs if he has their acceptance, and seemed surprised that Ulandsey wanted the support of strangers, too.

Two words, Oprah: Prop 8. You know why we need the support of strangers? Because at some point in this democratic republic, people decided it was okay for the majority to determine the civil rights of a minority. It's fine and dandy to say, "Oh, you've got the support of your friends and family, and that's all you need," when your fellow citizens aren't going to the polls every election to determine your value in society.

Finally, at the end, we get the proof that the down-low isn't just an issue for blacks, when we meet A.J., a woman in Arizona who was inspired by a 1998 Oprah that apparently told her that if her sex life was lacking, something was probably wrong in her marriage. Eventually, she realized that her "big, athletic, football playing husband" was gay.

And that's when I stopped listening to A.J., because, really? Fuck you. I really, really hate the implication she's making there, as though "real men" couldn't possibly be gay.

So glad we ended the show on that note.


Tomorrow: 30-year old virgins!