10/29/10 -- Oprah & Gayle's Big Yosemite Camping Adventure

Big title. And this is just part one of two. The second airs Wednesday. And I, for one, can't wait.

The thing about writing this blog as a non-fan of Oprah is that it can often be a daunting task. Mostly, until these last few episodes, I struggle because I can never figure out what I'm going to write about when the episode features former hostages or rape victims or Jenny McCarthy. But Oprah surprised me this last week with two episodes in a row that I thoroughly enjoyed. And I've had to worry about how to be cynical and funny about Oprah when I actually find it entertaining.

I hope you watched this episode if you could. Because this was funny. Here's where I think Oprah is at her best: When she's not telling you what awesome, expensive thing she loves, or preaching to you about what life lessons she's learned and expects you to learn in the hour you watch her one afternoon. When she's a real human, things get interesting. And often funny.

I just got back from spending the day at the Columbia Gorge. Inspired by Oprah's attempts to connect with nature, Katie and I decided we should brave the chilly weather and head out to see some of the fall colors and some pretty awesome waterfalls. See how Oprah keeps changing me in little ways? It's sort of annoying.

Oprah had a pretty easy day of shooting for this episode, since she just sat on her set and introduced the taped pieces of her adventure with Gayle. The set was kind of funny, with a forest backdrop, a campfire, and even the trailer she took with her to the park (or one just like it). It looked like the "Showcase Showdown" on The Price is Right, if Barker's Beauties were trying to get you to figure out how much you should bid on an awesome camping package. And if Barker's Beauties ever wore nice jeans and a pretty yellow sweater, like Oprah chose for this day's taping. Her "relaxed" look, if you will.

The decision to go camping (after Oprah had sworn she would never do another road trip) came because of a park ranger named Shelton. Shelton is African-American, and he wrote to Oprah to complain that of the 280 million people who visit national parks every year, only 1% are black. Oprah thought she should do something about this, so she and Gayle headed out. 

The first stop was R.E.I., which Oprah had never heard of, but she was perfectly willing to spend $1020.09 to get herself outfitted for the journey. She and Gayle walked into the store and Oprah pointed at something and said, "What is that?" The R.E.I. guy assigned to help them said, "That is a tent." And I knew this would be a good episode when Oprah was willing to laugh at herself about how she really must not know anything about camping if she can't identify a tent. She decided she wanted the tent, even though they were going to be towing a Coleman pop-up camper behind their hybrid Chevy Tahoe. So they got that, too. There was a funny moment over the sleeping bags, when Oprah immediately accepted the R.E.I. guy's suggestion, but Gayle decided to shop around some more, and eventually ended up picking a different sleeping bag altogether. Oprah couldn't help running a little commentary about how Gayle wasn't willing to just listen to the expert.

Seeing Oprah with Gayle makes me think that their relationship helps to keep her  grounded. Sure, Gayle is rich now, too, thanks to Opes, but I think they sort of forget that when they're together, and they just have a good time. And they bicker like an old married couple, which is pretty funny to watch.

Five minutes into the trip to their campground (which ended up taking about six hours; I have no idea where they started or how far they had to travel), Gayle was already annoying Oprah with her singing. Oprah thought maybe they should listen to some Bruce Springsteen, which they did later on in the trip. And Oprah sang along.

Halfway through our trip to Columbia Gorge today, Katie asked if we should play some Bruce. I declined the offer.

Oprah seemed wary of Gayle's driving, but when Gayle asked her about it, Oprah only said, "I trust that you want to see your children again, so I'm not worried."

While driving, Oprah noticed a minivan next to her, as the sliding door on the driver side of the van began to open. Gayle was driving, and they both seemed worried, and Oprah leaned over to honk the horn to warn the driver. That's when they realized that the van was with them, since a cameraman leaned out the door with a camera to get a shot of the hybrid Chevy Tahoe. Oprah and Gayle were pretty amused with themselves over that one, and kept giggling about how Oprah thought it was a kid opening the door, but it turned out to be her own employee.

At this point, Katie looked at me and said, "Is this the week we fell in love with Oprah?"

Answer: Yes. But it's just a fling. Talk to me Monday evening, when it's time to write about the Portia/Ellen episode.

The plan was to get to Yosemite and surprise Shelton. And they surprised him, I guess, but you wouldn't know it by looking at the dude. He sort of walked up to them, confused (to be fair, he might not have recognized Oprah right away in her hair rag, sunglasses, and no makeup), and then just shook their hands and said hello. In an interview done later, Oprah said, "He didn't seem to be that surprised." And Gayle said, "I don't think you have to genuflect when you see Oprah," but that Shelton didn't seem to even notice who they were. And he was the one who wrote the letter!

Shelton took the ladies to Grizzly Giant, a big ol' tree. 

Oprah: My favorite thing on earth is a tree.

Katie: So why doesn't she give those away?

While wandering around, Oprah found the only other black person in Yosemite, a man named Woody Square, who was there with his white (not that it matters) wife. Woody camps in Yosemite every year, and rarely sees black people there. He took pictures with Oprah and Gayle, I guess just to prove that there were at least three black people at Yosemite that year.

Back in the studio, Shelton stood up to welcome the audience's applause. Oprah called him on his lack of surprise, and he said he was surprised to see her, but he expresses his shock internally. Woody Square and his wife were in the audience for the taping, too.

While still on the trek to the campground, Gayle tried to get Oprah interested in some "hunting, camping and fishing" trivia. But according to Gayle, "Oprah hates games." Luckily for us, she played along for the sake of the cameras, leading to a ridiculously circular discussion about the difference between Smokey the Bear and Yogi Bear, and which one had a son named Boo-Boo.

When they finally arrived at the campground, Oprah tried to negotiate a left turn and hit a rock with the trailer. The show was kind enough to repeat the gaffe another time, just in case we missed it. In an interview later, Oprah said she didn't think it was a big deal, but later they learned that's what ruined the plumbing in the trailer. I'm really hoping there's more of that in the second part of this adventure, which, again, airs Wednesday.

After laughing our asses off watching Oprah crash a camping trailer against a rock, Katie looked at me and said, "This is the most fun I've ever had watching Oprah." No doubt.

Oprah and Gayle were left (mostly) alone to get the pop-up popped up, and it was, as expected, pretty entertaining. When they went to put together the bathroom, Gayle grabbed the door, which is apparently held to the rest of the bathroom with Velcro. 

Oprah: I don't care about a door.

Gayle: You'll care about a door when your ass is sitting in there. I would appreciate it if you had a door.

They moved on to making drinks for the neighbors (this place was crowded with people), and Oprah decided to make some drink she loves, called a "Moscow Mule." All you need to know about it is that it needs lime juice, and Oprah found an inventive way to squeeze the juice out of the limes. Since she was lacking a juicer, she simply cut the limes in half and put the rind side into her mouth and bit down, squeezing out all the juice. Gayle was appalled, and she tried to show Oprah that you could get as much juice just by squeezing by hand. Oprah pointed out that there wasn't that much juice, and then came to finish off that lime with her teeth.

Things I never thought I'd see in life: Oprah Winfrey with half a lime in her mouth, biting the shit out of that thing. This is why I write this blog, people. For moments like that.

Once the drinks were done, Oprah took about ten of them around and handed them out to some people. Just mingling with the folks. None of them black, of course.

Back in the studio, Oprah called Woody and his wife up on stage, and gave them her pop-up camper AND the hybrid Chevy Tahoe. Not too shabby a prize to get just for being the only black person in a national park. Unless the plumbing still doesn't work in the trailer, in which case this is just another example of society shitting on the black man. 

Get it? Because it's plumbing, see? And then I said shitting.

Folks, I've made it through seven weeks of this show. Can you believe it? 35 episodes down, only 95 to go. As usual, Katie provided the best quote about the situation, when I informed her of the count: "This is bittersweet. It's going too fast. Our Oprah is growing up."

Monday: Portia de Rossi, with a little bit of Ellen. Maybe thoughts of Wednesday's continued camping adventure will get me through this episode.

Also, hopefully you've noticed by now that I've changed the header for this blog. Perhaps now I won't be randomly accused of being racist, huh?