J.K. Rowling

Normally I take notes in my Ope-book while I watch the show in the early evening, and then I write the actual post at night, just before I go to bed.

I'm not doing that today, because it's Friday. And it's not like I have some big party plans or something, but I don't want Oprah to take away from catching up on episodes of 30 Rock and The Office and doing crossword puzzles in bed with Katie. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.

So, it's 4:47 pm here, which means Oprah has been on for 47 minutes. Katie will be home in about 90 minutes, and she deserves to not have to watch the show today. So I'm going to keep the computer in front of me and write what I think as it happens. 

Which means you're almost guaranteed to be bored by this one. Except it'll probably be short, because it's J.K. Rowling and I really, really don't care. I read the first four Harry Potter books out of a sense of obligation, and I guess they're okay. But they're no A Wrinkle in Time or Bridge to Terabithia, which are two of the best children's books I've ever read.

But, hey, the world loves Rowling's work. So let's all sit back and watch two billionaires talk to each other, shall we?

When Oprah says to Rowling, "This is the first time we've met," I literally believe that Oprah walked on to the set right before the cameras started rolling and said, "Let's do this."

Oprah reads us the last page of the final Harry Potter book. That seems a bit rude.

But, the final book ends with "all is well," which is how Katie ended these little books she wrote when she was a kid. So that's kind of adorable.

Oprah doesn't appear to be wearing Louboutins today, so Rowling is picking up that slack. Jesus, these are some rich women.

Oprah feels the need to tell Rowling (but probably more likely the American public) that in America we call queues "lines." Listen, Opes. Her country invented the language. Let's give the woman a break. Also, let's give your audience a bit more credit. Are most Americans watching this and assuming that there were a bunch of, I don't know, felt letters on the sidewalk outside the Barnes and Noble at her Rowling's first book signing, like it was an extreme episode of Sesame Street? 

Nevermind. Most Americans are pretty stupid, so Oprah is probably correct to explain what "queue" means. She should probably spell it for them, too, frankly.

Rowling and I have at least one thing in common: We both have always wanted to be writers. But I'm pretty sure she knows that she'll be able to pay her rent next month, so that's where our lives start to diverge.

Shit. You guys? Rowling doesn't believe magic is real. She just dropped that so casually into a sentence, and I believe I heard hearts breaking all across the land.

Oprah claims she's still surprised by having money. Give me a god damn break, woman. You've been rich for longer than you haven't been rich. It's quite obviously changed you, so let's not pretend that's not the case.

"Are you in a place now where you can accept that you'll always be rich?" Oprah asks. Rowling says, "No. Are you?" Oprah hesitates and says, "Kinda."

God, this is just a whole discussion about how much money they have. I can't even bother with it. I'm so damn broke right now, and I know they're not intending to rub their money in my face, but that's what it feels like. So, Rowling still takes the bus. Great. But she could probably afford to pay everyone else to get off any bus she's on, so she can always take the express route. So it's just kind of cutesy that she takes the bus. So charming.

Rowling believes in a higher power, and Oprah says all the Potter books involve the power of love. Some Christians already have problems with these books because of the witchcraft. I'm sure they'll love the idea that Rowling isn't sure she'd call that higher power "god." I ran across this blog a couple of weeks ago, which I won't link to because I think it's incredibly lame, but the point of this blog is that it's a Christian woman (the kind of Christian that's given the religion a bad name, as far as I'm concerned) examining Oprah from a biblical standpoint. I'm sure you can imagine her response to the transgendered episode, and I'm sure she'll have some more to say about Rowling. And if this blog writer ever finds my site, I bet she'll really feel the need to start praying for me. I can't wait!

Just over halfway through the show now, and I can't believe I've already written so much. I type 100 words per minute, which I guess is a curse instead of a blessing in cases like these.

There's talk about Rowling's estrangement from her father, though she gives us no reasons why they no longer speak. That's okay, since it's her private life. Then some talk about her mother's death. Sad stuff, for sure. 

And then we move on to a conversation about Rowling's struggles with depression. Oh, I get it. We've come to the sad portion of the show.

Rowling says she still has a fear of public speaking, and Oprah tells her she's doing okay in the interview. Rowling says that's because it's like a conversation, then says, "Well, you're quite good at this...they say." I like how that felt like a backhanded compliment.

Failure apparently leads to the greatest success. So let me just tell you how amazing my future is going to be, if we're judging it by the amount of failure already experienced.

Rowling told Michael Jackson no when he wanted to do a musical of Harry Potter. Two days later, Jackson died.

Just kidding. But she did tell him no. And I bet he did take some drugs after that, so I can pretend there was a causal relationship.

And now a conversation about 9/11. Rowling uses the victims' final phone calls as proof that love is the most important thing in the world, since all of them were about saying, "I love you," for the last time. Rowling tears up, and she's not the only one.

It's weird, because they really want to make a big deal about the fact that Oprah is doing this interview in Scotland. Oh, have I not mentioned that? Yeah, it's at a hotel in Scotland, and every bump out and bump in from commercial shows a graphic that says "Oprah and J.K. in Scotland," like the Scottish Tourism Board is sponsoring this episode.

Oprah says "phenomenon" very strangely. And in telling a story about Michael Jackson, she says it about six times. I have no idea how to spell how she's pronouncing it, but it's driving me crazy. Do you know how Paul Rudd says "iPhone" at one point during I Love You, Man? It's sort of like that.

Final question for Rowling: Is there a part of you that feels you have to top Harry Potter? Rowling says no.

And that's it. We've finished three weeks of this show. Fifteen episodes down. 115 to go, but hopefully not too many more like this.  Remember when I said this wouldn't be long? Shows what I know. This was a weird way to write about the show. But it's 5:32 now, and I'm done. So that's sort of a relief.

Monday: Ultimate Amazing Animals. Fantastic.


Oh, and happy birthday to my grandma!